Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Mixed and Weird Emotions

There are some considerable cut backs occurring at the place I work and although not unexpected are not as easy to deal with as I thought they would be.

Firstly knowing that these changes were coming, I looked forward to the opportunity that it would give me to apply for Voluntary Redundancy and to take early (2 years) retirement. It has been confirmed to me in the last week that my request has been accepted.

Secondly, having been made redundant 3 times before in my career, I thought that I was better placed to handle the emotional instability that such a change brings with it.

So as of yesterday, the new organisation structure was announced and put in place. It was very odd to attend the presentation and to see the marked absence of my name and several of my close colleagues from the charts. We therefore do not have any work to do moving forwards other than transitioning anything that we still have on our plates to someone else. Although I have been verbally informed of my position, I am still awaiting formal confirmation, discussions about pension/redundancy payment options and a final “separation” date.

I just want to move on but because of these things I cannot. I also have some ongoing medical treatment under the company private medical scheme which has a limited validity after my final date. So I want to try to stay on my contract for as long as possible through my notice period, but this adds to the difficulty of allowing me to move on. To give my company their due, they are being very good to those of us leaving and have informed us that if we don’t need to come into the office we need not do so as long as we are contactable. This however makes us feel even more in limbo.

Finally, going through the clutter that I have accumulated over the past 10 years and throwing the majority of it away is making me quite depressed. My office used to be my 'home from home' with lots of photos and nick-knacks on my shelves but it is now clear and so bare.

So all in all I am experiencing some very odd emotions at the moment and hoping that I can soon emerge on the other side of them into my “new life” – more of that perhaps in later posts.


Furtheron said...

I'm having numerous weird word verifications today... the one below is "patemble" which seems like it ought to be the word for where you are right now...

I know what you mean - obviously. I've had the first interview for the only option for me, but I'm still very much thinking of moving on but very much scared to death of doing it.

However I looked at said org chart and realised with one notable exception basically all the people I've grown to really respect and value are all going soon... how will I answer that question next year? :-)

Liz said...

It must be an absolutely huge change to make to move into retirement. Even more so in some ways than being redundant and seeking work. I imagine it could raise all sorts of self-esteem and value issues for some people. But i hope you're not one of those, not once it happens and you realise, 'Hey, this is a good life I've got now!'

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jmb said...

Although I took early retirement (two years also) ten years ago I was in the fortunate position of being able to work some casual shifts in the hospital pharmacy after retirement. So I worked one or two days a week for six months until finally, after a new computer system was put in and even regular staff were at sea I said don't call me any more and it was done and I did not miss it any more.

You do not realize until you retire how much your identity is tied to what work you do but there are lots of things out there to keep you busy and many things you will now have the time to pursue. Enjoy this new phase in your life, I'm sure you earned it.