I don't know why, but I have not been feeling too good emotionally and mentally for a while now.
I know that Mum's illness has taken a toll, what with my guilt trip about being so far away and leaving it all to my brother to handle. BUT there is something more that I can't put my finger on.
Despite all my personal activities, my tough work schedule, my home interests etc. I feel that I am still searching for something. I know I have some recent some emotional relationship baggage that I do not want to share here just yet that is with me most days, but I do not think it is so strong as to give me the down feelings that I currently have.
Maybe my work situation which is somewhat tenuous at the moment is playing a part.
Maybe as I get closer to retirement I am scared of what that might mean. I really cannot envisage a life without work and its associated networking and friendships to say nothing of the buzz that daily problems to solve give me.
Maybe it is coming out of winter into a new spring that is causing me to seek out my true desired direction in life.
This is the first post I have made at this sort of level of introversion. I do hope that it is not going to become a regular occurrence.
Thanks for bearing with me while I get this off my chest. Maybe it will help